ムタ SMASH! (niia) wrote,
ムタ SMASH!
niia

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AAAAHKSSGDHYAAAAAAGH!

THERE IS A DECAPITATED RAT IN MY CLOSET.

I DISCOVERED IT BY VERY NEARLY STEPPING ON IT.

OH GOD, I WANT TO BLEACH THE WALLS.

(Hello, trauma!  Goodbye, getting anything productive done today!)

Okay.  Okay.  No.  Okay.  I am steeling myself.  I can use the telephone, I can get a DECAPITATED DISEASE-RIDDEN CARCASS AAAGH AAAAGH--!  No.  Wait.  Okay.  Just ... just think of it as as as a nasty tomato.  Okay.  Right.  I can do this.  Removal of a nasty tomato from the closet.  Right.  Okay. 



(DAAAAAAAAAD!!!)


Four pairs of latex gloves, half a bottle of Lysol with bleach, one very hot shower, and a distinctly immortal-soul-tarnishing number of blasphemes later, ETA: OH MY GOD IT WAS BLOATED AND LEAKING GREEN, GREEN, GREEN ... FLUID!!! IT COULD NOT HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN THERE LONG ENOUGH TO DO THAT!! AAAAAGHSKLFKHDSKLJD!!!!

Edit the second: Okay. Have moved on. Have moved bed ACROSS THE ROOM from the closet. Am zen. Well. Was zen. Tooling around, went through a random progression of thought which lead to Terry Pratchett. Synapes fired madly, and the connection was made between Terry Prachett, rats, and aforementioned imaginary tomatoes: Quattro rodenti. A Ankh-Morporkian-dwarf recipe from Nanny Ogg's Cookbook, modified for Roundworld consumption to feature TOMATOES COVERED IN ROAST BEEF COOKED ON TOP OF A PIZZA, ARRANGED TO MIMIC THE SHAPE OF RATS. This just comes POPPING INTO MY HEAD WITH A CHEERY WAVE!

*sobs* Why did I google it...? Why, why, WHY did I google it?

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